Sent: 28/08/2001
Subject: I groped a true Scotsman
Aye ya wee lads and lassies.....
I am back in London after a fabulous short holiday in Haggis Capital. Yep,
Scotland....and what a hoot! On Thurdsday night when I arrived, my friend
Karen (who I met through work) picked me up from the train station & we
walked up the 'old mile' (main drag). As the Fringe Festival was in full
swing I was greeted by fireworks, drunk scottish men and bag pipes
playing!!! Quite a welcome, and Karen assures me it was all in honour of my
arrival!
Friday saw Karen and I saying hello to everyone at the Edinburgh Scottish
Widows office - putting faces to names that kinda thing. I had to promise
Karen's boss that she would still be alive by the end of the long weekend!
Our Edinburgh office overlooks Edinburgh Castle, not a bad view, but I
prefer mine - St Paul's Cathedral. The remainder of the day was
shopping.......got some awesome bargains, took a photo of a blind busker
playing the bagpipes and then didn't even give him any money......what a
tight ass hey! Draped myself in a tartan shall, stupid stuff like that and
then enjoyed a late lunch in a pub.
That night we polished off 6 bottles of champagne at Karen's friends place!
By 1.00am we decided to walk up to the local and I made an everlasting
impression on the land lady, by gettting behind the bar and serving the
patrons. She was so impressed that she told me if i was ever to return to
Scotland, I had a job, a place to stay and she was also going to introduce
me to her 27 y.o. brother! Ah bless, she was a real sweetie and well what
can I say, I just seem to make an impression on people, either that or
people take pity on me when I am that intoxicated!
Saturday we had breakfast waiting for us at Karen's parents place, although
by the time we got our sore heads out of bed, it more like lunch. Eggs,
bacon, the whole bit! Her parents are classic and they have 2 pet sheep (as
you do) and THE MOST amazing house which is so isolated and peaceful! After
breakkie, we drove through their country town, Peebles, chatted to the
paramedics after witnessing a car accident on the slippery wet
roads.....eekk! and ended up in a place called Kelso which passed some of
the most gobsmacking countryside I have ever seen in my life! After
arriving there, we went through a castle, the home of some Duke (Duke of
Roxenburgh I think) and had lunch in a quaint little pub. Saturday night
was mental! Karen's sister Carol is like 42 and a total nutter. She has a
daughter who all my male friends would just LOVE and the 4 of us went
clubbing where I danced and drank for Australia! It was at the first pub
where I heard the cheesiest (if that is a word) pick up line in my life!!!
Imagine this guy, he comes up and says:
"You remind me of christmas, you're a cracker" Then says, you have something
on your lip and before I knew it was trying to snog me, YUCK.....so I
smacked him and sent him on his way! Later that night when I was well and
truly smashed, I saw this guy wearing a kilt. I asked him if he was a true
scotsmen, to which he replied "AYE" so as any tourist does, I hitched up
his kilt, groped his ass and took his picture - right in the middle of a
queue for Edinburgh's biggest night club!!!
As I dont do queues.....I proeeded to tell a porky pie and explained to a
bouncer (from Adelaide of all bloody places) I was a reporter from Australia
and on location in Edinburgh writing an editorial for a local publication in
Perth. He told me that people tell fibs all the time, so I asked to speak
to the manager....It is amazing how much confidence you have when you are
that pissed. I almost got away with it but no go without a business
card....Oh well you can't blame a lass for trying!
Sunday: Karen and I drove to Perth (Scotland's Perth) I even had my picture
taken under the sign saying "Welcome to the City of Perth" Simone, I am
sorry to say I kept my top on for that photo!!! !I mean it was a busy street
and all.... Then onto Dundee and St Andrews, where Prince William is going
to be studying this year! That was kinda cool and Karen wanted to show me
the "beautiful Scottish beaches" uuuhhh!!!! BEAUTIFUL???? Feral more like
it! Still I had a "wee" picture taken standing on the rocks and then headed
home to go clubbing.......again. MENTAL!!!! There was this guy who knew how
to move and soon enough, we had taken over the dance floor. the place was
heavin' and I got in at 4am only to find a present from Carol (Karen's
sister) with a note saying hope you have enjoyed your trip, wont see you in
the morning and thanks for being an energetic party diva....how sweet is
that!!!
9am Monday morning and there is Carol.....banging on my door....Once I
realised she should have been at work, she announced that she took the day
off!!! It was her daughters 19th birthday and my last day so why not
celebrate these momentous occassions over a liquid lunch!!! The fact that
she had only started her job the week prior and already calling in and
taking a day off was not an issue....CLASS!!! She is my hero!
Back into Edinburgh, did lunch and stumbled - damned cobble stone roads
through the city up to the Castle and looked around where the Edinburgh
Tattoo was being held....I was a tad drunk and tried repeatedly to make the
guard smile but like Buckingham Palace, they would practically be shot if
they flinched! Took his pic anyway!!!
So after a HIGE weekend, I am back at work and planning my next trip!
Life is good! Greece is next - I think?
Live it large people, I am!!!
Love Kristy
xoxoxox